Only in Nursing...a Collection of Quotes

Me: “I want you to stick your tongue out like this” (I demonstrated, saying “ahhhh”)
Patient: “Oooo, you’ve got a nice tongue!”

Patient: “Where’s my husband?”
Me: “I think he went back to the hotel.”
Patient: “Oh, I thought he was dead.”

“Are you sure you’re old enough to be a nurse?”

“Where’s my waitress?” (Said while sitting on the bathroom floor after falling)

Me: “Your sheets are all crooked!”
Patient: “What? You want to come into bed with me?”

Me: “Now we’re just going to roll towards me a little bit….”
Patient: “I’ll squish you!”

“What are you, a student? Get me a real nurse!”

Me: “Do you feel like bugs are crawling on your skin?”
Patient: “No, they’re on the wall.”

“You’re not from here, are you? I don’t like no foreigners….”

Nurse-“Did you have an accident?"
Patient: "No, my belly button just exploded again."

"This is the first time I've ever eaten a hamburger naked!"