What are you thinking right NOW?

I'm thinking I'm incredibly tired from work, and there is NO way I could do this for years on end. At least not on my unit. I hurt. I'm achy. I know what did it today.....a 6'5", 280 lb quadriplegic who messed his bed and another nurse who left me there holding him from the side by myself. Shouldn't have done that one. Should have popped some ibuprofen. But alas, I didn't.

I had a really good day at work. It was so busy because all of my patients had major changes going on as far as their treatments and meds and such. I was just keeping pace. If something adverse would have happened, such as another messed bed or an overbearing family member, I probably would have been very behind. I felt like a switchboard operator, talking to this team, then this one, then putting this one on hold while I deal with another one. It was fun....I love dealing with the different teams of people who come to see my patients. I think I like it because I'm the only one who REALLY knows what's going on. I like knowing stuff. You know that. :-)

I'm thinking about how I volunteered with a tutoring program called Friendship Place last night for a little bit. I had a lot of fun! I worked with a 7th grade Somalian boy named Najib. He was SO cute and I just wanted to take him home and teach him social studies forever (that's what he was working on last night). After we were done and still waiting for his ride, we played Sorry, and he had the cutest smile. I'm going to try to go there fairly often.

I'm thinking maybe we should think about Somalia. They are beautiful people, and have AMAZING dress sometimes. Almost exclusively Muslim. Oh, yeah, and a war going on right now. One of the other Somalian girls was studying something social studies, and it had content about some other religion. She said, "Oh, that's about another religion. I can't read that." Hmm. I don't know the story behind that.

My grandmother has pneumonia now and is not moving herself at all. I bet I'll have to go home in the next few weeks.

I am taking two classes. One is Psychosocial Interventions Family Nursing. We talk about people's psychosocial responses to illness, crisis, etc and what we can do for them as advanced practice nurses. We deal with therapy, therapeutic techniques, working with families, and the like. I'm doing a presentation about adaptation to chronic pain and fibromyalgia. VERY interesting. Lots going on in the psychosocial realm with that. My other class is Advanced Roles Seminar, where we learn about and discuss all the advanced roles of nursing (nurse practitioner, clinical nurse specialist, nurse midwife, nurse educator, nurse anesthetist, nurse administrator). Also VERY interesting. We cover the basics of what each does, licensure, regulation, plus deeper things such as role socialization, upcoming changes in practice, and lots more. There is so much out there that I know very little about. It is almost overwhelming thinking out it.

I'm applying for a few different nurse practitioner programs in January and should know by February if i am accepted. If I am, it will take 3 years to finish. If I get Mayo to pay for it, I owe them one year service after school (this is a new change I just found out about last week). So....if I get in, I'm looking at four years here. I don't' mind that, but there's always that question of....what if?

Amy and I think and talk about working with something like Doctors without Borders or Mercy Ships and doing that for a year or two. It would be awesome, but so would being a nurse practitioner.....

So, as of right now, I am very open to staying here 4 years. I kind of like the sound of it. (That is, until someone around me starts talking about other opportunities, I starting dreaming, and then I'm very unsure.) After moving and setting up house here, the thought of moving again just makes me.....tired. It's a lot of work. So I think I'm going to apply for these programs, and if I get in, I'll do it. I'll stay. If I don't, then I'll probably start looking at other opportunities, which probably involve living in a third world country. Hmmm.

I'm also thinking how I can run into that resident again that rotated off my unit last week. Hmm.

That's what I'm thinking right now. And sleep. I'm thinking about sleep. And how much I like the Bebo Norman song "My Eyes Have Seen Holy."

"Am I unfit for You?
Remember me, the one who turned from You.
I come in rags tattered by the Fall,
And all the earth, a witness to my crime.

Mercy, weep over me.
Let Your tears wash me clean.
Majesty, be merciful with me,
For my eyes have seen Holy.

Hear my prayer at night.
Let the morning find me alive.
For I am tired and weakened by the Fall.
Let all the earth bear witness to my cry.

Let the Amen sound from Heaven as You lift my soul,
Let the Amen sound from Heaven as You lift my soul,
Let the Angels sound from Heaven, Holy is the Lord."