Esperanza

At 9 months you....

2012-01-28T18:42:00.001-06:00

*have six teeth

*enjoy clapping

*can crawl quite quickly, though you still use the army crawl technique

*love feeding yourself chunks of food

*have said momma and daddy for sure, and possibly cookie, yum, and yay

*often greet us after naps standing in your crib

*like to play hide and go seek with your parents

*love music and dancing

*got caught eating dirt from a houseplant

*go for something naughty (i.e. cords, plugs, plants) when your parents leave the room

*pull yourself to standing whenever you have the chance

*hold the phone to your ear

*are acquiring more bumps and bruises from your attempts at independence

*seem to have a new trick every day

At 8 months you...

2011-12-27T20:38:00.000-06:00

*have five teeth

*have just starting "dancing" and moving your head to music
*can move yourself into a sitting position
*can pull yourself to standing

*enjoyed your first Christmas and got a pig, a sled, a xylophone, and a dress from Mommy and Daddy

*finally got the idea of jumping in the Johnny Jumparoo instead of just swinging
*pretty much eat anything if it is mashed to your liking

*are more interested in walking with help than you are in crawling

At seven months you...

2011-11-30T21:47:00.000-06:00

*have four teeth

*love to eat solids, if it doesn't include green things

*chatter and sing constantly

*can support your standing weight once helped up

*like to knock down your daddy's block towers as fast as he puts them up

*can give high fives

*like animal sounds

*are mobile around the house in your walker, following people to different rooms and seeing what you can reach

*enjoy books and toys

*understand "no", but don't always choose to follow the instruction

Book Review: Heaven is for Real

2011-11-02T20:31:00.000-05:00

I just finished Heaven is for Real, by Todd Burpo, courtesy of BookSneeze. It is a story about just-shy-of-four-years Colton who was very critically ill and had a crazy experience. After he had recovered from his illness, he began sharing that he had been to heaven briefly while he was in emergency surgery. The story is told by his father, and you get to share in the experience through his eyes. Colton shares things he saw and learned in heaven, meeting his miscarried sister, long dead relatives, getting to know Jesus.

At first, his parents were understandable skeptical. But over time, Colton shared too many things to have been "coincidence". He revealed things in his childlike language that lined right up with what Scripture tells us heaven is going to be like. He seemed so innocent in his descriptions, and it led credibility to his story.

I can't help but admit I was very skeptical myself when I started reading the book. I always have to battle the demons of skepticism in myself, and I'm still not quite sure what I think about Colton's story. But I do know, if this story is true and it is not some guy just trying to make a buck by pulling at people's heartstrings, it is incredible. What a fearful privilege it would be to look into the eyes of Jesus, to meet those gone before us, or to see Satan and the battle that ensues for the souls of men.

Overall, a really good addicting book. I loved turning the page to hear in the broken language of a child truths about God, Jesus, and heaven.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

At six months you....

2011-10-27T19:56:00.001-05:00

*are so inquisitive (hence the sideways "I-have-to-see-what-this-is" picture)

*can sit unsupported

*have tried a handful of different solid foods and like them, though you make lots of funny faces

*can inch forward to get things

*have taken your third airplane trip to attend your eighth wedding

*are very amused by other children running around

*talk, sing, and shriek just to hear your own voice

*need infant clothes to come in the "tall" variety, measuring in at 26.6 inches and 16.4 pounds

*have a little bit of sassiness to you

*have complete taken over your mom and dad's world

At 5 months you...

2011-09-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

*have two teeth, and are working on more

*are a rolling machine

*are giggly most of the time

*often hum or moan when you're going to sleep

*like throwing your arm over your eyes or putting your bear over your face to go to sleep

*like to play peek-a-boo

*squawk and squeal and talk a lot

*like being thrown up in the air

*have been to seven weddings, and have another one next month
*like to play the piano with your feet

Love You More-The Divine Surprise of Adopting my Daughter

2011-08-29T21:02:00.000-05:00

I recently read Love You More-The Divine Surprise of Adopting my Daughter. It chronicled Jennifer Grant's journey in adopting a little girl from Guatemala. She described the emotions of realizing she was being led to adopt, how her older three children adjusted to the new person, the pain of waiting, and lots of other engaging stories.

Frankly, I loved it. Couldn't put it down. Maybe it is because I'm a new mom, and the feelings she expressed regarding her love for her child are so fresh on my mind. I could completely identify with how she fell in love with this child and wanted to know/feel/hear/see everything about her. Maybe I loved it because I hope to adopt a child someday, and I find the process intriguing, frustrating, ridiculous, and glorious all at the same time.

Grant delved into some of the misconceptions about adoption, as well as some of the ugliness. She brought to light how adoption is a way to make big money in some countries, and how finding the right agency that does it's homework is key. I cannot imagine the terror of finding out your child, the one you have come to love and call your own, was not really without a family in the first place, but was abducted, sold for money, or some other atrocity.

Grant includes a list of resources in the back, that I intend to check out and hope to find useful. I liked the way she told her story, though I occassionally got confused because it didn't exactly go in chronological order. Overall, a definite recommendation, particularly for those interested in adopting.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.

At four months you.....

2011-08-28T19:55:00.000-05:00

*giggle all the time
*like to stand up with someone holding you
*like sitting in the bumbo seat
*are very intrigued by the person in the mirror
* rarely don't have something in your mouth
*love the exersaucer
*wiggle, scoot, and kick yourself into different places
*can reach for and hold objects
*sleep 8-9 hours straight at night
*weigh 14 lbs, 13oz, and are 64.5 cm long
*drool incessantly
*have brought so much joy to my life

Just for funnzies.....

2011-08-05T21:44:00.000-05:00

(She is totally asleep in this video.)

At three months you....

2011-07-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

*love to talk and squeal
*almost always have your hands/thumb in your mouth
*can roll from your tummy to your back
*give giant smiles and giggle
*can grab and pick up some things
*enjoy playing with toys, books, and magazines
*have grown out of another outfit every time I turn around
*are a tad slow to warm up to new people

A Place Called Blessing by John Trent

2011-07-01T17:19:00.001-05:00

I recently read A Place Called Blessing by John Trent. It is a story about a boy named Josh who became an orphan early in life, bore the guilt of a terrible tragedy and was separated from his two brothers, all within a few years. He "graduates" from the orphanage a bitter, solitary man and tries to live a recluse-type life with little human connection. He has just about hit rock bottom when he ends up renting an apartment from Mike, a co-worker, and his mom, Anna. They completely take him in and love him, and slowly he starts changing in response to their love. He then undergoes several other tragedies that test his new values.

Overall, I liked the book. It was a quick, easry read. There was one twist I totally didn't see coming, but several events in the book were quite predictable. It was encouraging to think about how someone's life might be changed by interaction with mine, if I took the time and effort to offer them the "blessing," a concept of meaningful human interaction that was presented at the end of the book. The overall message was inspiring, and I enjoyed the story. The author outlines what he means by "the blessing" at the end of the book, and he included good thoughts for anyone dealing with other people even if you didn't make a commitment to give someone "the blessing" like the author recommends. It wasn't literary brillance, but I would recommend the book to someone who wanted an easy, feel-good type story.

I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

At two months you...

2011-06-26T21:58:00.000-05:00

*seem more grown up all the time
*give big smiles quite easily and frequently
*are generally really happy in the morning
*are generally cranky in the early evening
*have flown on an airplane twice
*still stretch dramatically all the time
*love to kick
*are waking up one to two times a night to eat
*like to try to "talk", especially with your daddy
*have found your fists are great to suck on
*are wearing mostly 3 month sized clothes
*love bathtime where you splash with your feet

A word of advice from Bethel......

2011-05-30T17:51:00.000-05:00

(Be careful not to meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crispy and good with ketchup. -from How to Train a Dragon)

At One Month You...

2011-05-30T10:10:00.000-05:00

*babble some
*stick out your lower lip so far when you are unhappy
*like riding in the car
*enjoy your playmat, the swing, and the moby wrap--to a point
*like getting your diaper changed
*have been to your first wedding of four this summer
*have been on two long car trips
*are turning into a chubby kid
*go 3-4 hours between feedings
*are pretty interactive and fun when you are awake

Newborn photos

2011-05-16T10:40:00.000-05:00

Here's the link to the sneak peek version of our newborn photo session. I am so in love with this girl. I have probably looked at this album 20 times already. Enjoy!

miss bethel

Bethel's Birth Story

2011-05-09T14:56:00.000-05:00

I figured I would be a little overdue, as a lot of first time moms are. I hadn't quite planned on going long enough that most in the medical community would recommend starting labor artifically. But, alas, that is what happened, and at 41 weeks and 3 days, I went in to the hospital to be induced.

We got there around 7:30am, and it took about an hour to get checked in, meet with the midwife, and make a plan. I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for days, but nothing sustained or painful in the least. When they checked me that morning, I was 2 centimeters dilated, and 90 percent effaced. A tiny achievement, but not enough to get this baby coming. So first, we tried a dose of cytotec, which takes four hours to see if it works. It made my contractions come more frequently and closer together, but still, nothing sustained or painful. Bob and I just hung out in our room, ate some brunch, watched the movie "I am Sam", and Bob caught a nap as we'd not slept much the night before due to anticipation. I worked on knitting my baby blanket (which may or may not ever get done).   Four hours later, the midwife checked me again, and we really hadn't made much progress. Still 2, maybe 3, cm dilated if she was generous. So we went to pitocin next.

It took a while to get that going as our nurse got busy. The pitocin started infusing around 2pm. Since I was being induced, the general guideline is that you stay hooked up the monitor to make sure the baby is tolerating it. They tried two different portable monitors on me, but couldn't get them to work, so I was relegated to stay in/near the bed. That was one thing that was so different from what I had prepared in my mind for labor to be like. I had planned on walking, getting in the tub, using the birthing ball, etc. But I couldn't. Not that I was really uncomfortable at all at this point.

The nurse would come in and turn the pitocin up every half hour per protocol. It took a while for it to have any noticable effect. But somewhere around 4pm, the contractions really started to intensify. Somewhere around 4:30pm, they were enough to bring tears to my eyes. That was another thing that was so different than what I had planned. I thought I would build up to the labor pains, with them gradually getting stronger and stronger. Oh, no. It felt like one minute I was fine and the next minute I could barely see straight from the pain. At this point, I did sit on the birthing ball next to the bed, still hooked up to the monitor. Then I started vomiting. And shaking. And felt so ridiculously cold it felt like I was outside in Minnesota in January wearing nothing but a swimsuit. I got back into bed because I didn't think I support my own weight anymore, and they covered me up with warm blankets. We thought my water broke around this time, but realized later it didn't fully and was probably more of a slow trickle. Around 5:30pm I was still freezing and having rigors, and they had stopped increasing the pitocin (thank goodness). It became apparent I really wasn't tolerating it. So the midwife stopped it completely, and that allowed me to be off the monitor and get into the tub. My body continued on with labor despite having the medication off.

The warm water felt excellent. For about 5 minutes. Then I switched from feeling like Minnesota in January to the Sahara desert in full sun. I was so hot. Had to get out of the tub quickly. I don't know how long the contractions were lasting, but they were very close together. Maybe 15-20 seconds of rest before the next one started. At this point, I decided that even though I had hoped to do this without pain medication, I was quickly becoming overwhelmed and it was too much pain too fast and I couldn't keep up. So I asked for an epidural.

It took a few minutes to get the epidural in place and working appropriately, but when it did, it was glorious. That was around 6:15pm. I could still feel when I was having a contraction, but it wasn't bringing me to my knees like before. And with the pitocin off, my temperature started to regulate itself a little better. I returned to being cold, but I wasn't shaking out of my skin like before. Warm blankets did the trick now.

The midwife checked me again around this time and I was 6, maybe 7 centimeters dilated. Progress. She discovered my water really hadn't broken and we decided to go ahead and rupture the membranes in hopes of bringing the baby down lower. After she did that, my belly was about half the size it was before.  There was some meconium staining in the fluid, so there was a little concern Bethel would have some troubles when she came out if she had aspirated any of it. They would have the pediatric team there when she was delivered just in case. It was shift change for the midwives then, and we changed from Candi to Pat.

Once the midwives finished report, we decided this could be a while since I was not quite 7 centimeters dilated, and I sent Bob across the street to get a sandwich. He really didn't want to go, but I knew he should eat. While he was gone, I had the undeniable urge to push. I told the nurse, and the midwife checked me again even though it had only been a few minutes. 10 centimeters. Amazing.   The nurse and midwife started getting things ready. Bob walked in, and they said, "She's ready to push." His face was priceless. Needless to say, he didn't get to eat his sandwich right away.

I started pushing right at 8pm. The contractions were very close together, and I just had time to take a few quick breaths between them. Bob was awesome. He was such a supportive, faithful coach. I was still pushing at 10pm. The first hour was good, very satisfying, and I had a nice sense of accomplishment. The second hour started getting tiresome, and though I could tell we were making progress, I was beginning to wear out. The epidural did a great job of covering the contraction pain, but I was able to feel a lot of the pain from pushing. It was not quite as painful as the contractions had been, but it was up there. Around 10pm, I asked if they could give me an idea of where we were and how much longer they would anticipate I would need to push. I had no idea where the baby was. The nurse and midwife looked at each other and said, "Maybe about another hour?" I am sure my face dropped. I was not sure I could keep this up for another hour.

At some point, some of Bethel's hair became visible. That was fun. Soon after, I was able to reach down and feel her head. She was living up to her pet name "Wiggly", as she was turning her head back and forth when all you could see was the top of her head. Bob, the nurse, and the midwife thought that was cute. I, however, did not find it very cute. Whatever she was doing hurt like crazy.

At exactly 10:30pm, Bethel Lucille Blanshan fully entered the world. She came out vigorous and crying, so the concern for meconium aspiration became null.   She had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice, but the midwife quickly reduced it. Bob annouced she was a girl, and they laid my bright-eyed, squirmy, beautiful little daughter on my chest. I was in love. She promptly pooped and peed all over me. My hands were so shaky and weak I had a hard time holding her in place, but the nurse helped me get her to nurse right away.

I was kind of oblivious to all that happened next. I ended up having a little hemorrhaging, and got some extra IV fluids, a nice bolus of pitocin, and a lot of not-so-comfortable abdominal massage to help my uterus contract. It resolved without much other action. By the time we got back to our postpartum room, it was after 2am and we were so tired. But we had this cute little thing with us that made it really hard to try to sleep.

Bob was great. So encouraging, attentive, and tireless. He was so proud of me and of his daughter. I love that man.

Isn't she the cutest?

At one week you.....

2011-05-04T12:19:00.001-05:00

*have the softest skin and hair
*kick your way out of a swaddle as soon as you can
*are getting better about falling asleep on your own
*nurse like a champ
*do not like having a dirty diaper at all
*like it when your daddy sings to you
*like getting your hair washed
*give lots of little smiles and oh-so-cute facial expressions
*stretch quite often
*like being skin to skin
*have impressive neck strength
*like kicking your socks off
*do a really good impression of a tree frog
*will break your momma's heart if you get any cuter

Introducing.....

2011-04-29T21:11:00.000-05:00

Bethel Lucille Blanshan
Born April 26, 2011 at 10:30pm
8 pounds, 13 ounces
20.5 inches long
Practically perfect in every way.

At almost 41 weeks

2011-04-22T11:04:00.000-05:00

*am not surprised at all I am past my due date

*am a little sad the baby wasn't born on my mom's birthday

*feel pretty good

*am a tad tired of people saying "no baby yet?!"

*took today off work and am not going back

*will be induced next week if baby doesn't appear before then

*don't really waddle, but have more of a slow saunter :-)

*get random contractions, but nothing sustained or particularly strong

*finished the nursery except for hanging one mirror

*wonder how I'll do through labor

*got to see some of the baby again on ultrasound today

*get a slight kick out of making Bob really nervous every time I call him

*wonder what kind of personality "Wiggly" has
*really hope this is the last pregnancy picture

At 39 weeks I....

2011-04-09T19:52:00.000-05:00

*am ridiculously huge in the middle

*have an insatiable thirst

*can tell the baby has dropped some

*still get out of breath doing simple things, like talking

*get a few short practice contractions a day

*have little appetite for anything except fruit, smoothies, and milk

*am enjoying the last few days as a family of two

*still can't sleep, but feel really good

*have a hard time focusing on anything not baby related

*show up to work every day to have multiple people say, "You're still here!"

*really, really want to know whether it is a boy or girl

*have my hospital bag packed and ready to go

*am ready to meet this little critter

A Non-Baby Related Post

2011-03-28T20:01:00.001-05:00

For my birthday, Bob got me a really big present, or I got him a really big present for his birthday (as we're only two days apart) --A 2005 Hyundai Santa Fe.

Love it. I can't tell you how nice it is to have space after living out of a small pick up truck for the last few months since the Honda died. I went to the grocery this weekend, popped open the back, and piled two weeks worth of groceries in with no problem, no stacking, no holding-the-eggs-in-my-lap-on-the way-home craziness. The best part: it only has 34,000 miles, so it should be good to go on many a trip. I'm sure I will miss the rockin' gas mileage the Honda had, but after two months of car shopping, I think we found a good deal. Ours is a slightly different color, but I've neglected to take a picture of it yet.

I am one blessed gal

2011-03-27T21:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was the fortunate recepient of one of the most fun baby showers that ever has been.

It was Dr. Seuss themed. I love Dr. Seuss.

Guests got to sign the handmade guest book, guess how many inches around my belly is (37.5 if you're curious), and play a Dr. Seuss finish-that-line game. Everyone had a great time, and most decided that they actually did like green eggs and ham. Everyone got to decorate a white onesie using fabric markers, and there were some really cute results. The afternoon was topped off by words of wisdom shared by Great-Grandma June Blanshan, with a few bonus tidbits of advice thrown in by other moms.

A few highlights from what Great-Grandma shared as she prepares to welcome her 23rd great-grandchild (whom she also blessed with a sweet quilt pictured below):
*Love your children. Hug them.
*Don't compare your kids to someone else's, or to their own siblings. Each is different and special.
*Sing to your children.
*Your children will react to things the way you do.
*Write things down: important days, funny things they say, etc. You think you will remember, but you won't as time goes
on.
*Teach them all about God-your most important job.

Babe-B racked up in the gift department.

Special thanks to the Blanshans: Linda, Jessica, Betsy, Carrie, Polly, and Peggy for making me feel so loved!
Thanks to everyone who came!

At 35 weeks I....

2011-03-11T16:54:00.001-06:00

These pics in the link below are really from 34 weeks, but close enough! These are the sneak peek images from our maternity photo session--better than anything I'm going to take myself! And don't even think about making fun of my belly button. :-)

Maternity Pictures

*think the pregnancy after 20 weeks has gone so fast...before 20 weeks seems forever ago.
*am gearing up for an all-day "get things ready" day tomorrow: wash baby clothes, organize nursery drawers and closet, pack a hospital bag, etc.
*am excited about my dad and sister coming after baby arrives
*have experienced killer reflux and really don't enjoy the taste of Tums
*think the baby *might* just succeed in poking a hole in my belly wall sometimes
*enjoy watching my entire torso contort and twist when it moves
*often have a little butt or head or heels or something right under my rib cage, making it hard to sit straight or breathe deeply
*am really looking forward to maternity leave
*had a comical experience trying to paint my toenails
*am so curious as to the gender
*have a least one person a day tell me they think it is a boy, very rarely do people think it is a girl
*can't sleep. ever.
*can't wait to snuggle this little person

Art Project

2011-02-18T20:56:00.000-06:00

I have always wanted to be a crafty, creative person. Alas, I'm not, naturally, so I have to try really hard. I wanted to do something special for the nursery, though, and this is what I came up with. And I admit, I'm quite proud of how it turned out. I haven't gotten it on the walls yet, but here's what I did, with the whole thing made mostly of fabric scraps....

*Painted a "sky" on three panels of canvas

*Added some grass and planted a tree

*Made a few animals and attached them with decoupage

*Added some details

*Decoupaged over the whole thing....

Now, to finish the furniture so I can decide where this project is going to hang....

(shamelessly inspired by Andrea and Betsy )

At 30 Weeks I.....

2011-02-05T10:54:00.000-06:00

*have one more prenatal class to attend in the series, plus a breastfeeding and car seat class

*can't sleep well, between the baby moving fanatically and the inability to turn over easily

*finished an art project for the nursery walls (pictures to come)

*have made little to no progress on the knitted baby blanket

*have been busy knitting other things for my other pregnant friends

*am growing in confidence of my body's ability to give birth

*have a healthy level of anxiety about the whole process

*can't eat much at one time, leading me to be hungry very soon afterwards

*have to get a 3am snack on a regular basis

*enjoy playing with the little feet that make a frequent appearance on my belly wall

*am mulling over baby names

*feel the nesting began a long time ago

*enjoy the borrowed maternity wardrobe from the ever-generous Betsy

*wonder how the weeks have gone so fast

*like talking to the baby, wondering out-loud what it is doing, and what it is thinking about what it sees/feels/hears

At 25 weeks I...

2011-01-02T19:24:00.000-06:00

*have really grown a lot in the last few weeks
*am surprised at how much and how forceful the baby moves at this age
*have a little back achy-ness
*have gained 15 pounds
*am putting together ideas for memory making and nursery decorations
*can eat with the best of them
*start prenatal classes this week
*wear the same 4-5 maternity shirts over...and over....again.
*have gotten too big for one pair of my materity jeans (oops!). Thankfully I only paid $3.50 for them and still have two to choose from.
*have hot flashes multiple times a day...in the dead of winter....in Minnesota.
*have a gut feeling the baby is a boy, but really am not aching to find out what it is yet.
*think Bob is the cutest dad-to-be in the world and am looking forward to seeing a tiny bundle in his long arms.

2010, bulleted

2010-12-17T21:38:00.000-06:00

In 2010, I.....

*became closer in age to 30 than 20
*finished my master's degree
*passed my certification exam
*became a family nurse practitioner
*took a new job in general surgery
*went to TN a lot
*started couponing
*celebrated our first anniversary
*planted a garden
*went to D.C. to see old friends
*became pregnant
*threw up more times than I ever thought possible
*felt a baby (!) move inside for the first time
*chopped my hair off
*camped in sub-freezing temperatures
*watched my mom die
*enjoyed having "free time" and predictability for one of the few times in my life

2010 probably was calmer, overall, from 2009.

2011 promises to be a new adventure, a turning point. I'm ready. Here's to the excitement of a new year.

For my momma

2010-11-28T21:35:00.001-06:00

Three weeks you've been gone.

Bob and I flew in late on a Thursday. You were already in bed, but I went to wake you up anyway. Your breathing was different. Harder than it should be. I think I knew then, that your journey was soon to be done. I painted your toenails on Saturday. The bottom of your feet were blue. I know I knew then. I was supposed to leave on Sunday, but I couldn't. Time was short, and I wanted all of it I could get.

I wasn't shocked, really, at how much you'd declined in the two months since I'd been there- how weak you were, how you didn't interact much, because I'd heard. I had called most days, gotten the report from whoever was there. Some days you talked to me. Some days you didn't have the energy. Some days I think it just made you too sad, so you'd tell me to call some other time. It's ok. I understood.

Sometimes it makes me sad to talk about you. Like this morning, in Sunday school, when the leader asked for examples of a time when things had happened when we knew it was God working. I wanted to share, but my throat got tight and my eyes hot and I knew if I said a word the tears would flow. I wanted to tell them of how the morning of your visitation I was lying awake at 3am and felt the baby move inside me for the first time. How I was so glad God had given me that gift on such a hard day. And I had wondered if you had met, you and the baby, and if you had had a part in that blessing.

I'm sad you won't get to be here to help bring up this child, or any that follow. That you won't make them smocked bonnets, quilts, dresses, or blankets, or anything else you were so skilled at making. I'm sad about a lot of things they are going to miss because you're gone. Some may have faulted me for not waiting, for getting pregnant knowing you were sick, knowing that you didn't have much time. At times I have briefly doubted my own judgement, but I don't now. You mourned the loss of being a grandmother even before I had a child in me, for there was little in this world you loved more than babies. Though it was terribly bittersweet, it gave us a chance to talk about things we didn't talk about before: pregnancy, delivery, children.
I know you loved the baby. I'll be sure to make sure it smells good, and I'll kiss it in all the right places, just like you told me to. And I'll brush its hair with the last gift you gave me, through garbled words and gestures, just days before you died, a Gorham baby comb and brush set.

I'm sorry the last days were so hard for you. I'm sorry I had to get out the wheelchair of Granddaddy's, bringing it down from the attic for you to use. But the pain and the weakness and the struggle to walk were too much for me to watch. I'm glad it allowed us to take you to the kitchen where you hadn't been for days, to the big window where you could sit in the sun and see the farm. I'm so glad for the morphine, the continuous drip of relief. We started that on Thursday night. You never said you were in pain again. I'm so glad we were able to keep you at home until the end.

Friday morning your breathing changed again. You were slipping away. We stayed up with you from then on; someone was always at your side. We talked to you, kissed your forehead, rubbed your hands. I knit a blanket while you slept. I told you to say hi to Jesus for me. I told you things I would tell my children about you. I took a turn in the middle of the night, already sleep-deprived; watching, waiting. I only lasted a few hours, then the sickness that had plagued me the whole pregnancy up to that point overtook me, and I had to sleep. I hated giving up time with you, but I had to, for the baby. Then I wondered how much you had missed for me, what you had sacrificed for me.

It seems odd that it has only been three weeks. The days since have ticked away like they always have, but a Saturday hasn't gone by yet when I haven't felt a twinge of sadness, a bittersweet acknowledgement of the fact that you died on a Saturday. At 4:17pm. I looked at the clock then, when we were all standing by your bed, all of us: your babies, and your husband. We were all there, our little crew, just like you liked it. Someone had to run and get me as your last breaths came quite suddenly after hours of struggling. I had layed down again to rest, tired from grief and retching and staying up half the night.

People keep telling me they are sorry I had to lose my mother at such a young age. And I suppose I am young by most standards, but so were you. But I'm grateful that you were able to raise your own children to adulthood, that we all turned out mostly ok, that you were able to teach 30 years worth of students, that you were married over 30 years to the same man. Maybe the years weren't that many, but you filled them with many great things. A tribute article about you made the front page of the paper. Over 1,000 people came to your visitation and funeral. You were loved.

I'm going to miss you. I love you.

At 19 weeks I.....

2010-11-22T18:38:00.000-06:00

*am fascinated with the baby moving
*found 2 pairs of maternity jeans, for $3.50 and $8 respectively
*am good friends with food again
*only feel sick when I don't sleep enough
*rarely nap anymore
*am making decent progress on a knitting project
*make a few consignment purchases for the nursery
*don't tolerate standing in hot patient rooms very long
*am "warm-blooded" for the first time in my life
*am totally in love with this person inside me

At 13 Weeks I....

2010-10-12T19:14:00.001-05:00

* am starting to have the tiniest of a baby bump
* am finding my jeans to fit a little tight
* am really glad I wear comfy hospital provided scrubs to work
* am having some improvement in the nausea
* am still throwing up most days
* have now had the experience of throwing up (in a bowl) while driving
* have had to take a knee twice at work to keep from passing out, and promptly was rescued by sweet nurses with orange
juice
* have been able to eat almost normally
* think water has a whole new taste and it is amazing
* have an extreme urge to successfully knit something
* need naps a few times a week
* don't really think of the baby as a boy or a girl yet
* like watching Bob interact with kids and imagine him as a dad
* think it is hilarious when Bob says, "How are you two today?" or "Come on, you two."
* miss coffee, now that the smell isn't revolting to me anymore
* rarely make it through the night without a bathroom run
* have nicknamed the baby "Wiggly"
* am having a blast knowing there's a person growing in me, despite all the inconveniences

I just couldn't take it anymore.....

2010-09-15T20:08:00.000-05:00

(please forgive the tired, just-woke-up-from-a-nap look. I really did just wake up in all of these pictures. Napping is pretty much all I'm doing these days, along with hugging the toilet from time to time.....)

Many, Many Gifts

2010-09-05T21:56:00.000-05:00

171. The love of my life

172. His self-sacrificing, gentle nature

173. The way he brings me food to eat

174. The way he does the dishes when my stomach just can't handle it

175. The way he puts straws in my drinks

176. How he was so excited when I told him the news

177. How he's comforted me in my times of queasiness

178. How he can't wait to share the news

179. The amazing miracle of new life

180. Supportive families

181. Ritz crackers

182. Sprite

183. Goldfish crackers

184. Milkshakes

185. The blessing of carrying a child

Saturday Thankfulness

2010-07-24T11:55:00.000-05:00

161. Sleeping in till 8am

162. Farmer's Market on Saturday mornings

163. Tiny green tomatoes in the garden, promises of red to come

164. Late night talks in the dark

165. Mr. Water's tears

166. Aunt Carol hugs

167. Feeling accepted

168. Cup of coffee and a Bible

169. New baking experiments that work

170. First full-time paycheck in almost one and 1/2 years, coming Tuesday!

Remember this list?

2010-07-18T18:34:00.000-05:00

Embarrassed that it has been so long since I worked on this...

140. Forgiveness
141. Nine months of survival
141. Anniversaries
142. Summertime
143. Bike rides
144. Eating from the garden
145. Evenings off
146. Weekends off
147. Holidays off
148. Finding satisfaction in my job
149. Berries in season
150. Friends who challenge me
151. Open windows
152. Air conditioning when the windows aren't enough
153. Friends who find their life-partner in each other
154. Nieces
155. Nephews
156. Wildflowers
157. Airplanes that take me places
158. Rediscovering my piano
159. Girls' time, 2nd Tuesday of the month
160. homemade peach cobbler topped with homemade ice cream

First harvest from the garden

2010-07-01T19:04:00.000-05:00

T is for Travel

2010-06-27T16:17:00.000-05:00

My college roomates three are all in the same area this summer. This means I had to go see them, to complete our funny foursome.

I neglected to get a picture of all of us. Oh, well. I got a lot of pictures of other things, though. Here's a few for you.

When the thunder rolls, and the lightening strikes....

2010-06-18T14:05:00.001-05:00

this is what the Blanshans see on their bikes:

(All of these were taken on our street. Thankfully, our house and trees were spared, except for a few negligible limbs.)

one year ago today....

2010-06-13T09:24:00.000-05:00

One year ago today...

I became yours, your name became mine, and we were no longer two.

I never knew I could love someone so much, that that love could exponentiate itself in a few fleeting days, that I could be brought-to-tears-overwhelmed with how much you love me, that my cup could overflow so generously.

You are my favorite.

Thank you for this year. I love you.

Reasonable wedding cost- My story

2010-06-13T05:45:00.001-05:00

I've recently gottten deeper into this whole saving money phenomenon. As we just passed into the day of my one-year anniversary of my wedding (yes, it is late at night as I write this), I thought I'd share a few ways we put on a relatively inexpensive wedding, one year ago today.

First, let my disclaimer be that we created a lot of extra work by asking/allowing others to do things for us that we normally would have had to pay for. I feel bad about some of that. We had the near-perfect wedding and it was exactly like I pictured it and I was so very happy. But I don't know if I would do it the same because of the stress it caused for others.

The things that were important to us where (which is a huge part of determining your cost):
     -having all the people we wanted there (small gatherings and Blanshans don't really go together).
     -Having a "different" wedding, doing things a little less traditional
     -Having my minister from TN there (this was our biggest splurge)

-We had it at a family location, basically free of charge. But it was a heck of a lot of work. This is the main one I'd consider changing if I had to do it all over again. It turned out great, but the stress of it would have been greatly reduced if we hadn't had to do so much work to the farm beforehand.

-We purchased all the food ourselves, mostly at Sam's Club and Aldi. We also kept it simple, which fit our personalities really. I'm somewhat of a BBQ fanatic, so it made sense to have it at the wedding even if it is a little overdone. Family also prepared the food for us for free.

-We used postcards for the invitations. We got 500 of them (which was more than we needed) for about $60 from postcards.com

-I got a bridesmaid dress instead of a "real" wedding dress. I loved my dress. I'm not really a froofy flashy person, so a more simple dress fit me well. My momma picked it out. :-) It also helped that I found the dress I liked, then I found the store that had it for the cheapest. So I got it for about $180 and got a ton of compliments on it.

-A family friend did the flowers as a present. They turned out fantastic! We used pretty simple arrangements.

-We used a photographer who was just getting into doing weddings. We were her first one, so she gave us a great price. And the pictures were wonderful! We look through them all the time.

-The bigger things we bought, we planned to sell. We bought nice tablecloths for the banquet tables, but we sold them on craigslist for just a tab bit less than we paid for them. We also bought some paper lanterns for decorations that we intend to sell. A friend used them for her wedding last fall, and I haven't pulled them out of the bag since. I'll get to selling them eventually, because I'm sure someone would love them.

-We skipped the cake. Neither one of us really like cake, so it seemed silly to pay a lot of money to have one. We did cookies. We both love cookies.

That's all I can think of now. If you're planning a wedding, hope some of these ideas help! But the lesson I learned was, just because a lot people spend a lot of money on something, doesn't mean you have to!

Twin Cities Nursing Strike

2010-06-10T20:53:00.000-05:00

Today, an estimated 12,000 nurses in the Twin Cities walked out on the job, on a planned one-day strike.

I am a nurse. I am darn proud to be a nurse, too. I understand why the nurses in the Twin Cities have chosen to do this strike. Staffing is bad, pensions are threatened. But this strike thing does not sit well with me. For one reason.

They left their patients.

For the patients' good, they say? I can believe that rationale, somewhat, but I think it is flawed. Surely there must be another way. It seems so contrary to a true nurse's spirit to leave a patient in need of care. Are things really that bad that you would compromise the care of your patients? You? A member of the most trusted profession in the States?

I recognize that my job at Mayo is pretty posh as far as nursing goes, and a big part of it is we have to compete with the Cities. Their unions do a lot of work that makes non-union Mayo step up and match it so all the nurses from Rochester don't leave to work in the Cities. I understand this.

I also recognize that where I went to school, the nurses often had twice the number of patients nurses are expected to have at Mayo. They also get a little over half the pay that Mayo nurses get. Nursing is not so kind in the South.

Face it, MN nurses. You make, on average, $10,000 more a year than nurses in other parts of the U.S. You may not have the best staffing ratio in the U.S., but I have seen far worse in my short time in this career.

I hope your strike is partially successful, just so you'll get back to your patients. I sincerely hope staffing levels improve. I also hope you don't get everything you want. If anything, I hope you have rock-star teamwork to get through the shifts where all hell breaks loose. I hope you stay proud to be a nurse and take the good with the bad when you can't remember why you chose this career in this first place. I hope you compromise with the powers that be, and try to salvage some of the faith the U.S. public had in the nursing profession.

things like this happen to me.

2010-05-31T21:26:00.000-05:00

This weekend, Bob and I stole away on an impromptu trip to the nearby Wisconsin Dells, Waterpark Capital of the World. And it was a ton of fun. Minus the getting stuck on a water slide moment.

This is the Scorpion's Tail ride at Noah's Ark Water Park.

At ten-stories high, it is a little intimidating. The scariest part is the beginning, when the trap door you are standing on drops out from under you, and you begin barreling down the tube. Supposedly you are supposed to go fast enough that you zip around the loop upside down.

But I'm brave, so I do it. I stand on the trap door, let it drop from under me, and zip down the tube in a near vertical position. I start the curve around the big loop and......

Suddenly, I'm not moving anymore. I open my eyes which have previously been sealed tight, and find I am still in the tube. I'm not in the happy little pool at the bottom of the slide. I am still in the tube and I am not moving.

Slight panic sets in. I look forward, and can see the peak of the slide just a few feet in front of my feet. I look back, and see the slide curve downward to where I had just been. I next envision Bob, who was behind me in line, barreling down at light speed and crashing into me in this tiny space, killiing me instantly. Later I found out that he is still at the top of the slide, yelling, "She's stuck in there! She's stuck in there! What have you done to my wife?!" I think this is when I started yelling for help and hitting the side of the tube, all the while thinking they can't hear me and they don't know I'm here. I try to push myself forward, over the tipping point of the ride, so I would get out of there. But my feet are above the level of my head, and with the stream of water gushing around me, I can't push myself that way. So I figure, I have to go backwards, because I'm sure as heck not staying here. All of this took about 15 seconds, which is, in other words, eternity.

So backwards I go, landing in the curve where the slide first makes an upstroke. I start hitting the tube again, hoping to be heard, and all of a sudden, a magical trap door opens above my head, and I can see the blessed blue sky once again. I stand up, step out on the staircase that is there, and am escorted by two members of the staff to safety.

And that was the time I got stuck in the water slide.

Glimpses of Family

2010-05-19T21:09:00.000-05:00

Skyping after labor....

Discovering new life...

Laughter all around...

The little peanut...

So thirsty...

Wondering what all the fuss is about....

When the niece and nephew come over to play

2010-05-19T20:52:00.000-05:00

We have fun.

Graduation 2010

2010-05-10T20:49:00.000-05:00

On May 7th, I mastered science.

Ok, not really, I just earned my master of science degree.

It took me four years from the time I started. I drove over 5,000 miles this year alone to clinical. I've seen hundreds of patients. I have 5-6 weeks of clinical left, then I officially will be done with this chapter of student life. For the first time in my life, I won't be in school. And I am pumped about it.

In fact, today I also accepted my first job as a nurse practitioner. In July, I will begin work with the Trauma, Critical Care, and General Surgery service, still at the Mayo Clinic. In particular, I will be working in the general surgery part of that team, managing (i.e. labs, tests, meds, admissions, dismissals, wound care, teaching) patients in the hospital after surgery. It will also include some outpatient follow-up when folks check back in after they have gone home. I spent the day with the team last week and was encouraged by what I saw. I think I'm going to really enjoy it. Not what I saw myself doing, for sure, but am happy with my choice.

The thing I'm looking forward to the most about the job: having a normal schedule. Monday through Friday, 8am-4pm, no weekends/holidays/overnights/call. Incredible after four years of missing evening events, important holidays, Sunday lunch, and the like. And I can still walk to work in 5 minutes.

Second best thing I'm looking forward to: continuing to wear scrubs for work. No need to buy an expensive business attire wardrobe! I get to wear scrubs and lab coats supplied and washed by the hospital. I love professional pjs.

Thanks to the Blanshans for throwing a celebration reception for me! Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes and gifts! I couldn't have done it without you!

Trip to TN

2010-05-10T20:03:00.000-05:00

I'm terribly behind on posting. Here is my best shot to catch up to speed....

I went to TN for two weeks. It made me happy to be there.

You see, home is where the waitress wears overalls and asks if I want "lemon with my cat" when I order a plate of fried catfish. It's where every soft drink is called Coke, and pop is what a weasel does, not something you drink. It's where you walk into the church and the staff knows you and has been waiting for you to come and talk with them for hours. It's where people bring food every few nights 'cause they know your momma is sick.

It's where little cousins come to play with the very life-like turkey decoy. It's where the hummingbirds drink sugar water and golden finches eat seed. It's where teachers proudly wear purple on April 21st for your mom and give hundreds of homemade birthday cards from the students. It's where you stay up till 2am with your bestest after watching twenty people over the age of fifty free jam some bluegrass. It's where the oncologist says healing is up the good Lord and not her. It's where you meet your aunt and uncle in the parking lot of a grocercy store to give you a container homemade pimento cheese and where homemade peach cobbler and vanilla ice cream are staples.

You see, it's just home.

He's taken, ladies.

2010-04-30T22:30:00.000-05:00

I must have the most thoughtful, kind husband that ever has been. I am so blessed.

Bob's been hearing me talk about how I wanted a garden, a little backyard city garden to grow a small amount of yummy things to enjoy. But planting season was quickly approaching, and I was unable to fit planning a garden into my schedule. Besides, if we did it, we wanted to pull up a row of scraggly, overgrown bushes, and put the beds there. But I wasn't going to have time and I was leaving town for two weeks. I had resigned myself to the fact it just wasn't going to happen this year.

Before:

Imagine my surprise when I came home from my two week trip and Bob said he had "a little something" for me. It was at night, and he made me sit in the car for a minute. He went to the backyard to do something, then came back to get me. There, in full spotlight and lined with string lights was a garden! My garden! With the ugly bushes gone, the arbor from our wedding up, and three boxes full of black dirt, two with a happy row of striped tulips welcoming me home. I even had my own personalized watering can. And he kept it a secret the whole time; I never had a clue.

We've still got a little work to do: plant grass where the bushes were, tear a few more bushes out, find some way to keep our furry rabbit friends away, put a bench under the arbor, etc. But now I can plant! I started my first seedlings in the house today, and I might plant a few cooler weather things outside tomorrow. I don't guarantee anything will grow, because I don't have any clue what I'm doing. But I've given myself a crash course on the plants I want to grow, so we'll see what happens! But it wouldn't have been possible without my sweetheart.

I'm a published author.

2010-04-12T20:00:00.000-05:00

Praise the Lord, the thesis is done! Kudos for my thesis partner Kristina for presenting our research poster all by herself in Kansas City last weekend at the Midwest Nursing Research Conference! I had the best group ever!

Oh, grad school...

2010-04-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

The tension came to a head today.

It's one month to graduation. After that, we have a 4-6 week internship to complete. The papers are coming due, the stress is rising, the to-do list is long, the stakes are high. We are days away from being responsible for people's health, which is no simple task. And we are tired of jumping through hoops. Mostly, we're just plain tired.

Due to some scheduling changes, we got done with our all-day class an hour early. Our favorite mothering professor said, "I'll still let you out early, but since we have a minute, how are you guys really doing?"

Our small class of twelve goes silent.

Nobody says anything for a minute. Then someone says what we all are thinking. "This sucks."

And then we all jump in, one after another, stating the hardships we've had this past....however many years. But mostly this year. This year, when we go from learning "fluff" material to learning how to acurately diagnose, treat, and manage complicated patients. This year, when we have too many demands on our time. This year, when we're all working, going to school full-time, trying to have somewhat of a life, and find a new job in a new profession.

One mother speaks up, or tries to through the tears. She's got three kids at home. She never sees them.

Another one relates. "What kind of mother am I, to drop my kids off at daycare every day?"

Others talk about how they just don't talk to their husbands anymore, because the tension and stress is too high, and they just argue. So now they don't talk. Others took their pets to a relative's house, because they can't take care of them right now. One worries about the effect of sustained stress on her unborn child.

I count my blessings, because I feel I've fared relatively well through this mess. But I've had my many moments of tears over nothing, nodding off while driving, and the like. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I struggle between immersing myself in my work--because people's health will depend on what I know--and still having time for my husband, my very sick mother, my family, and myself.

We (my classmates) all love what we're learning. But this schedule is too much for most people for long. And we still feel inadequate, not confident in our knowledge or skills. This world of health is so vast no one can know it all, and yet, you're expected to know a good deal of it. And people may die or suffer serious consequences if you don't. Talk about pressure.

So we commiserate together, with the only people who really know what we're going through. And I fight back the tears, because apparently I have no control over my emotions anymore. I think we all left feeling a little better, knowing everyone else is not doing ok either, but the days of this are ticking away.

From my husband for Easter

2010-04-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

I think you're eggstra special, and I love you.

I'm one of THOSE people

2010-03-26T18:48:00.000-05:00

I never thought I would be that lady. The one at the grocery store.

With her coupons. All one hundred of them.

But alas, here I am, at the ripe old age of 26, clipping coupons, scanning ads, making lists.

And I love it. I've recently gotten into "super-couponing," where you combine coupons with sales to get a lot of items for very cheap, or sometimes even free. And so far, with limited effort, I've been able to save a nice chunk of change on things I already was going to buy. I am busy. So I've kept it simple. You can make a full time job out of this, going to different stores to get the best deal on things. But I don't have time for that. Nor are we really that strapped for money. So, instead of making it an obsession to get the-best-deal-that-ever-was on every item, I just do what I can in a short amount of time. It takes me about 20 minutes to cut out and organize what I've got every week or week and 1/2, and so far, I've been saving around $20 a trip. And that's a big part of a grocery budget for a family of two. Trust me, I don't make a dollar a minute at the hospital. This has been a good investment of time for me so far.

My best deal last week:

Target had a sale of "buy four boxes of cereal, get a $5 gift certificate." I paired that with two "buy two, get $1 off" coupons, and all said (with the gift card), the four boxes of cereal cost me $3. Pretty good, huh?

My biggest dilemna:

Trying to still buy/cook healthy things while using the coupons. A lot of the coupons are for packaged meals/boxed items that aren't so good for the ol' arteries. Even though they are lucrative deals, I've tried to use them in moderation. I also try not to buy things I wouldn't normally buy if I didn't have a coupon in order to not spend more money "saving" money.

Now I have my little organizer set up, we buy a paper on Sundays, and I have a few websites bookmarked that tell me where the best deals are that week. I'm not a fanatic by any means, but I'm trying to be smarter about daily living. And I try to set aside all the coupons I'm going to use for sure as I make my way through the store, so as to not take any more time in line in front of you at the check out. :-)

Go Green.

2010-03-10T15:50:00.001-06:00

Oatmeal butterscotch cookies (a few days early) in honor of my brother-in-law's birthday, St. Patrick's Day.

Addendum: Now I remember I have TWO brother-in-laws with a St. Patty's day birthday. However, only one got the cookies. And yes, my birthday is the 17th too. Go Green!

My New Favorite Picture

2010-03-10T11:04:00.001-06:00

Nights of Artwork

2010-02-13T16:44:00.002-06:00

After the daytime hours, after the rounds, after the tests and busyness and bright lights.

Night shift. When lights go down, visitors leave, other staff go home.

And no one's there for the most part, except the patients, the nurses, and in the pediatric world, the moms.

And I find myself the sole nurse in our oncology/transplant section, the keeper of the cancer kids, all barely younger than I am.

College has been put on hold. The garage band had to wait. In fact, all earthly time-keeping has stopped and now days and hours are measured from the last time they vomited, the day they got their cells, the last dose of the dreaded yet blessed chemotherapy. The poison that offers hope. The only chance short of divine intervention.

The moms know late night vigils too. Though their babies are no longer really babies, I assume they will always see them that way. To pass the long hours quicker, they pull a table out of a room. And they stay up late, playing cards, drinking diet Dr. Pepper, laughing into the wee hours.

But I'm busy. I smile and laugh at their antics as I pass, but I've got a lot to do and have no time to play. The chemo their children receive is so caustic it has to be purged, usually first by vomiting, then washed off the skin where this drug finds it way out of the body, requiring baths every four hours lest it cause burns. Each child has a list of medications longer than what should be allowed into a single body. Orders need to be signed, chemo hung, nausea abated, poison washed.

From time to time, the card game stops. One mom rises, again, to hold the pan for their wretching child. It evetually passes, the mom returns to the table, and the game goes on.

The other mom rises. A pump is beeping. She rushes to silence it before her child wakes. She makes sure I notice, which I do, then returns to her cards.

It is past midnight. My shift is near half over. Yet I am still behind, not yet caught up from the tasks that don't stop.

Then I remember.

Nursing is an art, not just a science.

So I slow my pace, go over in my head what can wait from my all-important list.

And I sit at the card table with the cancer moms.

I don't play, for their game is well under-way, and I don't know the rules.

But we talk, and I laugh. They offer me a Dr. Pepper, and we talk cancer.

They tell me of their kids, I tell them of my mom. We story-swap in the darkness.

They show me a poem, written about moms of cancer kids, telling me to ignore the last part about the kid dying. They'll think about that part later, when there is no hope, but for now, hope remains.

Then it gets too hard, and tears fall uprotected from all of us, and they resume playing and I stand up to finish whatever I thought was so important before.

But from the grateful and understanding look on their faces, I knew my most important job of the night had already been completed. A tiny piece of art, clumsily splattered in the dark.

I can do anything for four months....right?

2010-01-10T16:21:00.003-06:00

My break from school officially ends in 8 hours. Bummer. I have enjoyed the last four weeks thoroughly. I feel like a new person having the burden of stress lifted off my shoulders. I've written no papers nor seen any patients, but I've gotten a lot done in the short month of freedom. I read three books, deep cleaned, cooked, spent time with family, made impromptu trips to the Cities, given all sorts of gifts, lounged around, attended the Blanshan extravaganza, picked up shifts, taken naps, hung out with my friends, etc....

But all good things must come to an end.

Tomorrow is the beginning of my last semester of grad school. AMEN. Somehow, in the next four months I have to:
-work 20 hours a week
-complete 240 hours in clinical in Lime Springs, Iowa and Austin, MN
-complete 160 hours of work as a graduate assistant
-go to class all day every Wednesday

Throw in the 20-something chapters I'm supposed to read AND remember every week plus 4-5 major papers to write and a handful of presentations....

Uffdah.

I feel prepared though. I'm not near as nervous as I was last semester because I now know what is expected of me. And I feel I can come through with it. But I may need a healthy dose of coffee, chocolate, and a grocery-buying husband in order to complete it.

I spent today cooking massive amounts of chili, risotto with veggies, and lasagna to stash away in the fridge and freezer because I'm not quite sure when I'll get to cook again. We are stocked up on essentials like yogurt, bread, waffles, toothpaste, and deodorant. The house is clean, all laundry is washed, the to-do list crossed off, the calendar filled in. I've done all I can to prepare. Somehow, someway I will survive.

The End of a Decade

2010-01-03T20:03:00.004-06:00

2009, bulleted:

I dropped my hours at work.
I became a quarter of a century old.
We planned a wedding.
We painted barns, pulled up fences, and found ourselves way in over our heads in farm wedding prep work.
Replaced kitchen cabinets, installed a dishwasher.
Went to Arizona.
Painted.
Stood up for two best friends in their weddings.
Went to Texas.
Became a Blanshan.
Honeymooned in Colorado.
A boy moved in to my house.
Dropped my hours at work again.
Tiled the kitchen.
Went to Washington.
Bought a new vehicle.
Became a graduate assistant.
Found out my mom has cancer.
Went to TN a record number of times (6).
Finished another grueling semester.
Successfully defended my thesis.

That about sums it up. I'm hoping for a slightly less hectic year, filled with good things. Let's see what you've got, 2010.

Christmas at the Blanshan's

2010-01-03T19:29:00.004-06:00

Nothing fancy...No tree....No mountain of gifts....
But lots of friends...

Lots of love... And the best story being read together for the first time as a family. That was Christmas at the Blanshan's, 2009.

Need gift ideas?

2009-12-19T15:19:00.002-06:00

I love this idea. And these people. And Mission Lazarus. :-)

Mission Lazarus Gift Ideas

Snow Day!

2009-12-09T16:28:00.003-06:00

When the flakes first started to fly....

To when they were pretty much done....

...somewhere around 16 inches of snow, with a few more to be added today. Snow day!

Thanks for Thanksgiving

2009-12-08T19:55:00.006-06:00

My Mom is Famous

2009-12-01T09:07:00.004-06:00

Here's the story: Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Walk set to Honor Teacher

And in MN a few days later....

My Life Right Now

2009-11-14T20:59:00.002-06:00

I went to bed last night at 8:30pm, and stayed there till shortly before 8am.

And I still felt like I was drowning.

And I was going to take a 15 minute break and get on here and tell you all about it, but I completed the day instead.

I was going to tell you how I've been late on 2 assignments this week because they slipped my mind... how my parents came and went too quickly because Mother Mayo didn't have any good news...how it's cold and cloudy...how I'm drowning in a sea of information that one day I'm going to have to be responsible for...how I have no idea what I'm supposed to do for half the patients that walk into clinic...how I didn't make it to the Medical Missions Conference this weekend where all my Honduras comrads are plotting goodness....how I'm missing the Blanshan girls' Iowan getaway next week...how there's no food in the fridge....how I haven't seen my friends in weeks....how the deadlines are approaching faster than I can handle and I'm drowning and there's tears and I can't keep up and...

Deep breath.

cup of coffee....homemade breakfast with my love...

six hours in front of a computer and one paper from Hades done....

date night to celebrate five months of happiness.....steak for dinner....movie with scary parts so I can hang on his arm....

early bedtime...church in the morning....nowhere to be tomorrow afternoon....

Another deep breath. And life goes on.

An observation

2009-11-01T01:03:00.005-05:00

Normally at this point in my shift, I would have 6 hours left. 6 down, 6 to go. But, alas, not tonight. For tonight we fall back an hour, letting sugar-filled children have one more hour of sleep after gathering their goodies and letting some nurses earn some overtime in the dark.

And, as the case often is with a well-sedated and ventilated patient, I have extra time on my hands. The last two nights I've entertained myself by reading other people's blogs....people I know, people who know people I know, people I don't know from Adam, etc. Little glipses of lives scattered all over this circle; never-ending commentary on the mundane and the earth-shaking. I switch back and forth between "Man, I have an incredibly boring life" to "Seriously, people, get lives." Either way, it makes me want more words. Words that don't end in -ology or -itis. And I find myself reading on and on. With very little to say.

That's all.

Bucket List, Revisited

2009-10-31T02:41:00.004-05:00

Back in April, I wrote this post on a slow night shift. It's been over six months, so I figure it is worth an update to see how I'm doing. Though I have to admit, checking things off a list and getting things done have seemed a lot less important lately. I'd much rather snuggle up to my love, watch the leaves fall, or call my parents. But anyway...

*Start a compost pile. No, but I contributed to the neighborhood one.

*Finish painting the few places in my house that need touching up. No, the touch-ups are undone, but I repainted the office.

*Tile the backsplash in my kitchen. Done! And the floor!

*Successfully grow one tomato plant and one pot of basil (the extent of my garden this year) I planted the tomato plant and then forgot it. I zapped the basil with Miracle Grow and it died in hours.

*Read a book about Uganda and try to get a grasp of the history of that country. Nope

*Finish my college scrapbook. (I only have the graduation portion left, and it's been that way for 2 years!) Nope

*Finish my thesis (goal of Nov.). It is DONE! Defense is set for Dec. 3.

*Become a nurse practitioner (planned for May 2010). I'm at least passing right now...

*Play the piano for patients/residents and families at St. Marys and Madonna Towers. Can't tell you the last time I touched the piano, except to dust.

*Make it back to Honduras. No. (sniff).

*Sew something. Nope

*Learn to make decent espresso on my new machine. I have once or twice.

*Winterize the house better so my heat bill improves next winter. Does it count if my husband did it?

*Assume my newfound role as an aunt and get the birthday calendar figured out. Failing miserably.

*Get completely checked off so I can perform blood and marrow transplants and administer chemotherapy at work. Done, even though I really don't like doing it.

Not too bad, huh? If I did it over again, I'd probably make a very different list. Maybe one day I'll get to it.

Yes, I will go out of my way to step on that crunchy looking leaf

2009-10-29T18:32:00.006-05:00

Two people + one afternoon off together= three truckloads of leaves

Our poor postage-stamp yard has recently been bombarded by the mutinous leaves quickly shedding from our pretty trees.

And despite already having three snows, there's still a lot of gorgeous-ness left.

We ended up taking three full truckloads of leaves to the community compost. It was so fun to see half of Rochester out raking their leaves all on the same perfect day.

Words heard too soon

2009-10-22T16:47:00.006-05:00

You plan for some things.

You think about car wrecks, and you wear your seat belt.

You worry about stairs, so you put the baby gate up.

You stay away from such things as bungee jumping, sky diving, and motor cross.

We plan and we worry and we try to prepare.

And still it's usually the things that happen on any idle day that knock us to our knees.

Last Friday, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Cancer, oddly enough, is not usually a word I am automatically scared of. We have so many good treatments; I've seen too many people come through. But this type is different. If you need to read more about it, go here. We (the medical community) feel like a complete failure when it comes to this disease.

But in the midst of the shock and the tears and the worry and the words heard 30 years too soon ("You don't have very long..."), lots of gifts and things to be thankful for have come forth. And that's what I'm holding on to right now.

86. a thoughtful father who had my husband tell me so I would have someone to hold me when I found out

87. a family that takes care of each other

88. finding cheap tickets on a next-day flight

89. a uncle who visits two days in a row

90. numerous phone calls, cards, and emails

91. Johnny Markham's office

92. hugs

93. late night conversations

94. hearing my mom say "I'm not buying skim milk anymore."

95. a teenage brother who wants to help

96. finding out at least 10 churches and prayer groups prayed for us 2 days post-diagnosis

97. a fill-in preaching father-in-law

98. a quick replacement for my mom's teaching position so she can be free

99. flowers

100. realizing just how far our circle of friends extends

101. far-off relatives who decide to stop by

102. a Jennifer Allen hug

103. having all the family together

104. four-part a capella harmony

105. a minister who's been through this to support my dad

106. understanding professors

107. a friend who will get up at 3:30am to take us to the airport so my exhausted dad doesn't have to

108. coming home to a warm pot roast from the Schulz's

109. looking for waffles the next morning and finding a freezer full of good stuff from my sneaky friends

110. candles

111. my ever-loving, ever-supportive husband who completely lights up my life

112. hope of a better world where this is no cancer

113. pictures

114. land where you can see the stars

115. Cracker Barrel apple crisp with ice cream

116. the comfort of Sunset Restaurant

117. a tiny cousin on a scooter who knows the difference between a tractor and a backhoe

118. four hour naps

119. my Jesus

120. my mom

The mixing of the Seasons

2009-10-11T15:25:00.004-05:00

First snow of the season, before most of the leaves have had a chance to fall...

There will be more to come. 1-3 inches tomorrow. You came too soon, Winter.

In Thankfulness of Fall

2009-10-08T18:50:00.003-05:00

71. the turning of the leaves
72. my ever-so-perfect long, blue fleece robe

73. the warmth of a hot shower

74. a closetful of blankets

75. hot tea

76. brilliant colors the sunrise casts on the fog

77. snuggling under covers
78. casseroles
79. homemade zuccini bread

80. pumpkins

81. Sunday afternoon lunch at the in-laws

82. visiting friends from TN

83. squishing on the couch with my girlfriends

84. installed insulation

85. sweatshirts

Signs by Andrea

2009-09-28T18:25:00.002-05:00

3 cheers for entrepreneurship!

Head over to http://www.andreasteed.com/signs to check out a new business started by my friend Andrea Steed.

Spread the word for a chance to win your own personalized sign!

Demoralization

2009-09-27T18:00:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year, I completed the Beth Moore Bible study "Believing God." I was too cheap to buy the accompanying video at the time. I thought the study was great without it. But when my friends decided to buy access to the 9-week series online, I chipped in a few bucks and started backtracking through the videos.

She's quite hilarious. Her content is as serious as it gets, but her presentation is just something else. She, with her big hair and her thick Arkansan accent and almost constant outburts of "Glory!" or "Halleluah!" draws me back to past years spent in the thick Tennessean and Arkansan humidity. But she knows her stuff, and she's excellent at making the Word of God come alive and at presenting new dimensions I definitely would have missed.

In the video I watched the other day, she pulled out a concept that hit me right between the eyes. It may not have hit you, had you seen it, but this is my struggle and it's what spoke to me that day.

Demoralization-when Satan figures out who we fear most that we are. And he sets out to confirm it.

What do you fear you are most?

For me, it is incompetence. I hate it. I fear it. I fear I am not good enough. I fear I can't compare to so-and-so. I fear I might fail.

And he uses it, that angel-turned-liar. He convinces me I will try and not succeed, of course I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, tough enough, etc. And I usually crumble, paralyzed in my fear of imagined reality.

But in the video the other day, Beth was saying how she was afraid she'd fail God. She'd try and fail. And then it hit her: that all-encompasing strength that renews broken spirits and heals past wounds and gives gifts to the ungifted.

God will not fail you.

That's right. Of course. What was I thinking?

And I peel myself up once again, trusting in One who is and will always be enough.

Thankfulness

2009-09-22T08:23:00.002-05:00

56. warm, homecooked breakfast with Bob
57. a whole weekend off together
58. news of a pending new niece or nephew
59. new life for a church sister through liver transplantation
60. Sunday afternoon lunch with the in-laws
61. apple crisp with ice cream
62. a little boy in Honduras staring back from a cardboard picture frame
63. late evening walks hand in hand
64. meeting friends unexpectedly on such walks
65. Sunday school kids belting out songs with all their heart
66. a new computer
67. a morning rain on parched earth
68. calls from cross-country friends
69. being a nurse that the "difficult family" likes
70. being just a little bit ahead (maybe just caught up) in school

Love

2009-09-19T21:39:00.004-05:00

Congratulations, John and Emily!

on my way to 1000 gifts

2009-09-04T15:43:00.001-05:00

46. a gifted diagnostician for a preceptor
47. Pandora on the Blackberry at the gym
48. low-lying fog covering the tops of corn stalks on my Austin drive
49. audio books for my 1.5 hour roundtrip commute to clinical
50. the Blanshan invasion of Valleyfair
51. an infant niece falling asleep on my chest
52. the two laidback professors I serve for my grad assist position
53. two friends who find their life-partner in each other
54. the chance to stand up for them at their wedding and beyond
55. fields of peaceful, mystical windmills as far as the eye can see

I try to be cool, but it just doesn't work.

2009-08-31T19:55:00.002-05:00

Last Thursday was my first day of clinicals in my nurse practitioner program. This was an important day, my first encounter with the professional I'll be working with all semester, seeing and treating patients. And I wanted to make a good impression.

So I wore make-up.

Now you have to understand, I rarely wear make-up. Sometime since Bob and I started dating, I became more comfortable with myself and lost the need to cover up my imperfections. Love changes you like that. But that's a different post.

The point is-I just don't wear make-up that often. I used to, so I have a little routine and I'm comfortable putting it on. But, you see, I got a new mascara for the wedding a few months ago, and I haven't used it since until last Thursday.

This mascara is a little different. First you put on this white protein layer, let it dry, then put on a dark layer. The first layer is supposed to make your lashes longer, somehow.

So I got dressed up in my new professional clothes, put on some make-up, took my coffee mug in hand and headed out the door.

And the day was busy. We hopped from room to room, seeing all kinds of patients. My mind was reeling from all the new knowledge I was absorbing. Finally, at noon, I went to the bathroom. And I looked in the mirror.

And my eyelashes were white.

In a split second, my mind was racing with the possibilities as to what might make my eyelashes turn such an unnatural color. And it quickly hit me--I had never put on the darker layer of my mascara.

Now what? I can't get it off--I need mascara remover. I didn't want to leave the bathroom and look stupid--it is my first day! Have I already been looking stupid all morning? It wasn't tremendously noticable if you weren't looking right at me...but surely someone had and wondered what strange albino condition I had that made my hair and eyebrowns dark brown and my eyelashes white.

Sigh. And this is what I get for painting myself up.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Pet. 3:3

Ok, just a few more for today

2009-08-23T20:32:00.004-05:00

26. Singing in the car with Polly, Peggy, and Bob
27. playing a song on the piano and singing loudly when I'm by myself
28. my salt and pepper grinders
29. An employer who pays for grad school
30. Friends who call me for favors
31. Plants that perk up when you open the blinds
32. Dishwashers
33. Red juicy tomatoes in the backyard
34. the farmers' market on Saturday mornings
35. the funny lady who plays the accordion at the farmers' market
36. decent health insurance
37. finding I can throw a pizza in the oven when I first turn it on and it will be done by the time the oven warms up
38. best friends who live 30 yards away
39. the hymn "Be Still My Soul"
40. Singing Fridays in chapel at Harding
41. the chance to hold a dying man's hand
42. the chance to hold a mom while her first child neared death
43. Kutzky Park volleyball court
44. Little friends who run to greet me every Wednesday night
45. Pryor 109

Give Thanks

2009-08-23T17:33:00.003-05:00

I love lists. I usually have at least one hanging around. Today I saw this idea: making a list of 1,000 things you are thankful for.

That's an awful big number. It could take me a while. But I think it may be a fun and rewarding way to combat the pressure that is going to come...and last....for the next few months. So here goes nothing. Over the next little bit I'll be counting out my blessings one by one-until I hit 1,000. Steal the graphic and join me!

1. I have been saved from my sin by the grace of the Lord!
2. I am surrounded by friends who constantly challenge and encourage me (i.e. "The Community")
3. I had a healthy childhood
4. Patients who come back to visit the ICU--healthy
5. I have never had to struggle with a chemical addiction
6. Parents who have been married 31 (I think?) years this week
7. Growing up under the influence of Johnny Markham
8. Walking home on my lunch break to see my husband
9. An 8-minute walking commute to work
10. A job that lets me make a difference in lives of children
11. Being able to buy my cute old house
12. Having a husband who is handy at fixing things
13. PB&J
14. Burt's Bees Chapstick
15. Becoming friends with Jennifer Allen
16. Ice cream
17. my Bible(s)
18. a husband who studies Biblical principles in his spare time
19. the engraving on my wedding band
20. the current Honda
21. Harriet the Hatchback Honda
22. mornings
23. a good cup of coffee
24. my rockin' thesis partners-Jenn & Kristina
25. children laughing

:-)

Washington Weekend Adventure

2009-08-06T20:27:00.015-05:00

I'm always looking for a good excuse to get on a plane and see what adventures wait for me on the other side of the runway, though this time I was not excited about leaving my weekend-working husband behind. Even so when BenFriend (explanation-he's called BenFriend because we were such good friends in college that everyone thought he was my boyfriend, but we were just friends) told me he was getting married in Washington State, I knew I was going to be there.

It was extremely fun and convenient that one of my best friends and her husband just moved to Seattle in June. So I had a place to stay and people to hang out with while waiting for the wedding festivities.

Amy and Matt picked me up from the airport of Friday, and we took the ferry across the Puget Sound, then continued driving up to NW Washington. We found some pretty things on our way there.

We stayed at a real home-style bed and breakfast, complete with llamas, hummingbirds, and a home cooked sprawling breakfast, all for $50 for the three of us.

We went up north to see the temperate rain forest Washington has, where more than 12 feet of rain falls each year.

We stopped at Ruby Beach on the way back to say hi to the Pacific Ocean and marvel at the huge amount of driftwood, smooth as glass by the battering of the sea.

We found this delightful waterfall on a detour looking for the "world's largest spruce tree".

And after passing it twice, we finally found the mammoth tree.

On Sunday, the wedding was beautiful, going off with only one hitch.

I caught a red-eye flight back to the Midwest and was more than happy to see my wonderful husband waiting for me at 6am at the airport. A lovely weekend, but there's no place like home.

Update

2009-07-30T15:11:00.002-05:00

Not that you were holding your breath or anything....but I'm better now. I still like my house. I still think it is silly we're spending so much time and money on it. But I'm ok with how things are and the path we've chosen. The kitchen floor is done, the house is put back together, my husband has pampered me, and I can now cook in my kitchen again. Life isn't so bad.

Therapeutic post

2009-07-27T17:49:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I am cut out for this.

I don't know why I bought a fixer-upper house. I'm still not sure why I bought a house, period.

I don't even care about it. I'm leaving this crumbling place soon. Very soon, in the big scheme of things. I'm not emotionally attached to it. I'm not going to raise a family here. I get minimal satisfaction out of completed projects--because there aren't any. I started painting a year ago, and still have more to go. I started working on the yard several months ago-and it's still an ugly jungle. We started re-doing the kitchen back in the dead of winter-and it's still going.

I'm tired of running to Menard's or Lowe's every other day. Or every day the past week. Or twice a day today. I'm tired of adding more and more dollars on the tab of money I've spent on this house. It's ridiculous. Probably not a large amount of money as far as home improvements go, but too much for me. I've got better things to spend my money on.

Like trips to Honduras. I'm dying to go.

It just seems stupid. People are starving all over the world, churches beg for funds to help the homeless, my own friends can't get to Africa to work with the poor because of funding, and I pour money into a tiny, odd conglomeration of wood.

I'm tired of things like hearing the stair rail rip out of the wall. The fridge leaking water in the dining room while it's displaced out of the kitchen. Window frames breaking in my hand. Starting one project to discover three others. Decorations peeling paint off the wall. Stripping screws. Rotten wood. Broken bits. Torn up hands. Dust everywhere. Mediocre results. Making mistakes that cost time and money.

And yet, I can't stop. I (and now, Bob) have started trying to salvage this house, and we've dug ourselves holes we have to get out of (or should I say, patch over) if we ever want to have hope of selling this house to at least recover the money we've put into it.

And I have a hard time looking over the imperfections. I know the guest room closet is still purple even though I never go in it. I know the outside spicket in the front doesn't work even though I've never had to use it. I know there are at least two torn window screens, even though most people would never see them.

Pathetic, aren't I?

I know, I know. I know all the good reasons to have a house--it's financially smart, you have a place to host others, it's a ministry tool, I'm learning useful skills, etc. I've repeated them to myself and so many others enough times to make you nauseous. But right now, with summer passing by with me spending most days working on projects that are only going to look so-so, it seems absolutely a waste of time.

And this is the mood I'm in.

A Week of New Things

2009-07-20T18:34:00.005-05:00

Sometimes change is nice. Here's a few new things in our life from the last week.

New tile in the kitchen

New haircut #1

New haircut #2

New flowers from the yard

New tomatoes peeking out

New vehicle in the drive

Blast from the past

2009-07-12T03:27:00.002-05:00

I first did this two years ago. Here's the 2009 version.

What's on my desk:
a list of places where I need to change my name
a whole bunch of thank you cards that need to be written
the second book in the Mark of the Lion series

What's in my fridge:
Fuze drinks
Yogurt
leftover homemade ice cream

What's on my floor:
a considerable layer of dust from the kitchen project
the charger for my new Blackberry

What's on my mind:
If I am capable of successfully completing previously mentioned kitchen project
Ways to save money, water, and electricity
Honduras
Africa
my husband
the start of my last year of grad school looming in the near future

(Sigh)

2009-07-10T14:26:00.003-05:00

We have a big group of kids who hang out with my friends and I every Wednesday night. We love them. However, most of them come from not-so-ideal home situations. They're loud at times, rowdy, and fairly undisciplined. But they are ridiculously cute and after a few months of seeing us pretty regularly, we've all started to have a lot of fun as our lives have become more intertwined.

Here's how a conversation went with me and one of my favorite kiddos (that's just between you and me ;-) ) before we were to take a bunch of them to see Ice Age in 3D a few days ago.

(Kid hanging on my leg for quite a while)

Me: What's wrong? Are you tired?
Kid: No.
Me: Do you not feel good?
Kid: No. (grips my leg tighter)
Me: Then what's wrong??
Kid: I miss my daddy. (sniffle)
Me: Well, where is he? (stupid question)
Kid: In jail.

Sigh.

What do you say to that? I didn't say anything, just helped her put her seat belt on so we could go see a movie and eat gummy bears together. That dad is missing out.

Honeymoon Highlights-Bloopers

2009-07-07T20:54:00.008-05:00

"The joy is in the journey, not the destination...."

We found ourselves in a few amusing situations during our week in Colorado.

I saw some property of distant relatives:

We went on a crazy drive and even though we saw this sign...

it didn't register that we were traveleing so slow (that is, 10-15 mph and feeling like we were flying down the mountain). We were blown away when we got out at a rest stop and saw we were only 1/3 of the way down the road after 30+ minutes of driving.

And we ran into the father of Bob's brother-in-law, who had been at our wedding in MN, along with his daughter and and her husband, at a church we randomly searched online.

Another day, we had just left the zoo when we saw "a shortcut" on the map we thought we could take back to our cabin. After 1.5 hours of driving down a mountain, through tunnels and canyons, we were confused and asked for help from a hiker......

only to find we were just a few blocks from where we started.

Good times, good times.

11:15pm on a Monday

2009-07-06T22:54:00.005-05:00

We finally have time. Time to sit and talk, time to not get out of bed until 10am, time to painfully jog after 2 months off, time to sort through the ideas running though our heads. Bob and I finally have time to figure out specifics concerning the type of life we want to lead, what we are going to spend our time and resources on, and the like.

So here's a few of our rambling thoughts, in my words.

We want to be open, transparent people. We want to disciple others. Neither of us is particularly gifted in this. But lately God has been throwing new neighbors, homeless people, aimless kids, and others into our path. We have heard a distinct call from God-"Get ready." We have prayed for these chances, and now we're praying even more fervently for help and guidance.

We want to be financially responsible, as well as generous. We're trying to find that balance between being prepared enough to be effective and living open-handedly enough to be faithful. We glanced at setting a budget and determined it wasn't for us--neither of us has trouble living within set limits. We're pretty cheap. We don't need something to tell us how much we can get away with spending. But we do need some structure as to where and how to give. We don't want to look up a year from now and see we were just living for ourselves.

Along those lines, we're going to do whatever small things we can to save money so we can give more away. So we're jumping on the frugal bandwagon, throwing around ideas likes rain buckets and unplugging things and getting rid of non-essentials. It's overwhelming to think of all the things you could do, but we're pretty committed to doing something to cut costs.

And we're getting back into the Word, settling down into studies and routines. My favorite part of the day right now is him on one couch across from me on another, studying the Bible and sharing truths and thoughts with each other from our various points of discovery and reflection.

Thank the Lord for time. There is 1.5 months before we both start back at school, and time will become as precious as diamonds. But until then, I'm relishing every moment.

New Cell

2009-07-06T22:44:00.002-05:00

After 3 years of living in the state of Minnesota, I've finally gotten a local number. 507-226-4078 for all those who wish to talk to me.

Honeymoon highlights-Pikes Peak

2009-06-30T21:28:00.010-05:00

One of the high points of our trip (no pun intended) was summitting the mountain of Pikes Peak, at 14,110 feet above sea level. Not on foot, mind you, (because that would have killed us) but by cog railroad.

This is Pikes Peak, keeping watch over the delightful farmer's market we found. At the market we found handmade bowls that perfectly match our dishes, as well as a woven basket and wooden earrings made by impoverished women who are finding a livelihood by working for the organization Suubi my friend volunteered with.

Back to Pikes Peak: It took us 1.5 hours to get up to the top, and we dropped about 30 degrees in temperature on the way. We had a tour guide that informed us on all kinds of interesting things about the mountain, the wildlife, and the railroad. For instance, once you get up to a certain point on the mountain, the landscape is covered mostly by this grass-moss plant. We found out it grows laterally at a rate of 1-3 inches every 100 YEARS! That ground covering that spanned many, many acres was ancient! Another interesting fact we learned was about the aspen trees that grow all over the mountain and the whole area. They aren't really separate trees--when you see a grove of aspen, you're really looking at one tree.....it just spreads more roots underground and then sends a shoot off. It is one root with many shoots. The guide said the biggest aspen spans hundreds of acres, making it one of the largest organisms on the planet.

It was fantastic. The pictures really don't do it justice.

It was blustery and frigid at the summit. No trees or vegetation to be seen. The only living thing near the top was the occassional marmit-a big rodent type animal that looked like a crazy, furry large cat. On the way back down, I could barely keep my eyes open despite the amazing beauty! The lack of oxygen at that altitude got to my brain, and I pretty much shut down. Definitely worth the $31 to go up, and I'd do it again tomorrow.

Honeymoon highlights-Housing

2009-06-29T20:24:00.009-05:00

The day after our wedding, we awoke in our lovely little cabin on Lake Pepin and found this outside our front window.....

....and this later that night.

After two nights there, we boarded a plane for the beautiful state of Colorado, where we found another lovely little cabin high in the mountains, somewhere around 9,000 feet above sea level.

Kid Pic Slideshow

2009-06-26T23:28:00.003-05:00

If you're interested, here's the slideshow we showed at the reception. It's a little longer, and it has music with it if you'd like.

One more perfect day

2009-06-26T23:03:00.004-05:00

How do you sum up the events and emotions surrounding the time of your wedding? This is a hard task, and it is one I hope I won’t belabor you with.

Throwing a wedding on an old farm turned out to be a much bigger project than I ever imagined. I tried to keep it simple, and compared to most weddings, I suppose it was. It was a ton of work, but in the end, it was perfect (at least as far as I know)

I can't say thank you enough to all the people who helped make this event happen. The Blanshan side of the family was in for the long haul, with their help starting months ago. My family also made the effort to come early and pitch in. Quite a few of my dear buds from college flew or drove hundreds, some thousands, of miles to be with me that week, knowing I would barely have time to socialize at all. They all were also a humongous help, doing things I didn’t have time to do, reminding me to eat and sleep, setting things up, breaking down, etc.

It rained the night of the rehearsal, so we practiced in the garage. The day of the wedding--it was gorgeous! We had all kinds of people saying they would pray for good weather, and we couldn't have asked for better! Bob and I met early in the morning for a little time to ourselves, and I didn't stop for a moment after that until the wedding was over.

And it was perfect. Two weeks later, we still can't stop giggling about how wonderful and beautiful and perfect it was. Everything turned out exactly like I pictured it, if not better. The white chairs against the green grass, the red barns against the blue skies, orange flowers against tan tuxes, white tables in an old wood barn, surrounded by family and friends.... but what am I rambling about for? Let the pictures speak for themselves. These are a few of my favorites I've stolen off friends....it will be a while before the professional photos are in. And then you'll get barraged with more. :-)

He did it!

2009-06-23T21:13:00.001-05:00

Congrats to little bro Taylor for graduating high school with honors!

Weddings, weddings, everywhere

2009-06-23T21:03:00.005-05:00

Two weeks before my own wedding, I flew down to Texas to take part in the wedding of my dear friends Amy (Harris) and Matt Lohse. Amy and I were randomly assigned to be roommates during a summer internship at Mother Mayo in 2005, and have been great friends ever since. We both started dating our now husbands about a month apart, became engaged within ten days of each other, and got married two weeks apart.

Amy and Matt also just returned for serving 6 weeks in Cameroon, Africa for a med school rotation for Matt. Amy brought each of her bridesmaids back a beautiful custom fitted dress and we all wore them to the rehearsal dinner!

Matt and Amy are now moving on to Seattle where he will train as a general surgeon. We will miss them in Rochester!

Ramblings

2009-05-23T15:09:00.003-05:00

In a slow room at work, and I'm running out of computer based things to do.

So I'll ramble.

Today marks three weeks until my wedding. In the middle of the controlled chaos of the prep work, I've found myself in a reflective mood from time to time.

First off, it seems strange beyond words that I'm actually getting married. That is just weird.

I don't think I ever was one of those girls who dreamed and schemed about the type of guy they would marry. There was a few years where I didn't know if I would get married. I never thought about what he would look like, what color his eyes would be, all that girly stuff.

But I do know I didn't expect to marry someone so different from me. I never pictured him a home schooler from MN. Not that I have anything against homeschoolers, I think it is great for some people, maybe even my kids one day. But it was never an option nor an interest in my own home, and homeschoolers always had a greater potential to be weird in my mind for many years. As did people from big families. And the MN thing? I didn't even know where MN was for sure until my junior year in college when I applied for an internship here. And now I've lived here 3 years and say my O's funny and eat lefsa. When did that happen? Now no matter when we go next, we'll always be tied to this strange place.

I didn't expect to marry someone who knew more about Abbott and Costello than baseball or football. It never occurred to me he'd be SO tall. :-)

I'm not surprised we met at church. I like that. I'm not surprised he wants to be a minister. I'm not surprised that he's happy with PB&J, and me in no makeup, because I really couldn't handle a high maintenence guy.

I never imagined what type of wedding I'd have either. Though I did think to myself, "I'd really like to get married here" the first time I saw the Cradic's little farm, I never debated outdoor-vs-church wedding when I was growing up. It just never occurred to me to plan these things. I was probably out playing basketball or digging up stuff out of the yard instead of playing princess. It was incredibly difficult when I started shopping for wedding related stuff, and salespeople would say, "Well, what kind of wedding do you want? What's your look? What do you want??" And I would just blankly stare back at them and say, "I don't know, I've never thought about it before." I'm the type of customer they hate.

The roommates moved out last week and we've been moving Bob's stuff in, setting up house, planning out rooms. It strikes me as funny to do that sort of thing with someone. I play well with others, but I've been so incredibly independent for so long it is odd to think of things as "our house", "our dishes", "our lawnmower." It has been SO fun though, and we've both had a blast getting things set up like we want it so we can come back from our honeymoon to a furnished, comfy house. I can't wait to hang up the Welcome to the Blanshans', Est. 2009 sign I made him for Christmas.

I suppose that is more than enough. Surely there is something else I can cross off my to-do list while stuck in a patient room.

What I'm Doing These Days

2009-05-07T19:26:00.004-05:00

You know those all-day-Saturday workdays you had as a kid? The ones where your dad comes and rips the blankets off of you while you're still sleeping at 7am, yelling, "It's time to work!" You smell the bacon already cooking, and you get no sympathy for being tired or cold or anything else that might keep you in the bed. You work hard, maybe taking a midday break for an ice cream float before going back to work all afternoon.

At least, that's what we did at my house. I've had a lot of those farm workdays recently. And that's how I've been living every day for the last little while even when I'm not at the farm. Go, go, go, with the occasional ice cream break.

The wedding count down has begun, and the farm is.....still getting a facelift. I am dumbfounded by the amount of brush, metal, garbage, and unidentifiables we have uncovered from those few acres. My back is sore, my legs are sore, but there is no better feeling than taking a hot shower when you are filthy dirty and have worked hard all day outside in perfect weather. We have made significant progress, and I'm grateful to all who have helped and to the Cradics for letting us use their farm as a wedding location. They're getting a pretty good deal with untold hours of help to get their place spruced up, but I'll leave it up to them to say whether it has been worth the stress of a deadline and the all-at-once monetary investment or not.

When I haven't been at the farm having flashbacks of my childhood every few minutes, I've been running around mad doing other things. The regular wedding planning takes time. I'm almost finished with our super-fun slideshow, (which you got another sneak preview of today). Bridesmaid dresses are shipped, my dress is in, tuxes and flowers are ordered, favors/decorations/tablecloths have arrived, honeymoon is booked, reservations are rolling in, etc, etc.

In sad news, one of my nursing school friends was killed this last week. By her husband. The whole scenario is shocking and mindboggling. All I really know is that she is gone. While I haven't seen her for 3 years, we were close in school and partially trained for a marathon together. Another painful reminder life is short.

I also managed to get in a tiny little fender bender. Except it didn't bend anyone's fender or do anything else, for that matter. Yet it still got reported and my insurance is getting taken for a paint job. Sigh.

Whoopwhoop! Today I officially finished this semester of grad school. I defended my thesis proposal (and got approved) and took two finals this week. The thesis project will continue throughout the summer, but we get a break for a while, and there's no more deadlines, persay. This makes me happy.

In my attempt to get my own place spruced up before it is invaded in June, I planted grass, got some planters and filled those with bulbs, purchased a used lawn mower so I don't have to borrow my friend's anymore, and mowed for the first time this year.

Ok, now to the next thing....

Pretty darn cute

2009-04-19T23:13:00.001-05:00

Older couple in Mayo Clinic Atrium

My Bucket List

2009-04-18T03:52:00.005-05:00

I've never seen The Bucket List, nor do I plan to. I don't even know if I can responsibly recommend it. However, I understand the premise is there are these two guys who make a list of things they want to do before they "kick the bucket." I think they have terminal cancer and a limited amount of time to live. Whatever the story, I was inspired to write down a few things I'd like to accomplish in the next year or so. And, yes, I am one of those people who puts things on their list that I've already done just so I can cross them off, so there's a few easy ones on here I know will happen just to make me feel good.

*Start a compost pile.
*Finish painting the few places in my house that need touching up.
*Tile the backsplash in my kitchen.
*Successfully grow one tomato plant and one pot of basil (the extent of my garden this year)
*Read a book about Uganda and try to get a grasp of the history of that country.
*Finish my college scrapbook. (I only have the graduation portion left, and it's been that way for 2 years!)
*Finish my thesis (goal of Nov.).
*Become a nurse practitioner (planned for May 2010).
*Play the piano for patients/residents and families at St. Marys and Madonna Towers.
*Make it back to Honduras.
*Sew something.
*Learn to make decent espresso on my new machine.
*Winterize the house better so my heat bill improves next winter.
*Assume my newfound role as an aunt and get the birthday calendar figured out.
*Get completely checked off so I can perform blood and marrow transplants and administer chemotherapy at work.

That's a good start.

Just for Funnsies

2009-04-17T08:46:00.003-05:00

Besides marrying my love, the part of my wedding I am most looking forward to is a slideshow I'm preparing including pictures from infancy to now of both Bob and I. I am having a BLAST sorting through all these photos, laughing out loud to myself constantly and remembering things I haven't thought about in years. It's going to be a struggle to not post all the best ones on here before the wedding. But, just as a teaser, I couldn't resist posting just one.

So, in celebration of buttercups and sunshine and warmness and love and cookouts and picnics and stargazing and all good things that come with spring, here's a sweet one capturing the annual mulching that occurs at my house about this time every year.

(my sister Anne and me, circa 1988)

Sunny Arizona

2009-04-16T18:25:00.002-05:00

The first weekend in April was a mini-vacation for Bob and I. We got up early, drove to Minneapolis, and caught a flight to Arizona by way of Salt Lake City for Dan Locke's wedding. Bob and Dan were childhood friends, and Dan will be one of our groomsmen. We were hosted by the lovely Lundgren family, who treated us so well with card games, a hot tub, gourmet meals, and impromptu home renovation lessons. We got to see quite a bit in our short time there. It was a toasty 75 degrees, sunny, and uniquely beautiful. I almost didn't come back to chilly Minnesota after that brief hiatus. The Lundgrens are already talking about scoping out houses for us. Check out this slideshow for some fun pics.

The Other Woman

2009-04-16T18:18:00.004-05:00

Bob opened his laptop the other day, and to my surprise, there was a different picture as his background than the one of me that had been there previously. I have been replaced by the other woman (sigh).
(Eavan, my newest niece, 2 months)

Kudos for having a handyman around

2009-04-09T22:48:00.005-05:00

Before:

After:

(New floor, door handles, edge pieces, and tile backsplash yet to be added)

(And I just noticed there's a whole row of drawers missing in the picture, but it's the best one I have currently.)

Forever waits for you.

2009-04-09T22:19:00.008-05:00

That was the last line on my favorite card I received at my bridal shower in TN. These lovely ladies, along with others, worked hard to make me feel so special and loved.

(My sister and my mom)

(Mrs. Carol, my co-conspirator to save the children, and Jennifer, my co-conspirator to save the world)

Basically, I feverishly opened gifts for 2.5 hours, pausing only to take sips of the best punch I've ever had in my life. This is what I went home with.

I ended up liquidating about half of it because there was no way to fit it in the few allotted bags Bob and I had. But we intend to buy back the original items once a free day come along....which is looking like July at this point. We were quite the funny sight in the airport, each of us with two huge checked bags, two valet carry ons, and two very full "personal items."

A few of my favorite scenes:
The sign-in table

Us completely incapable of taking a decent picture

Flowers specifically picked out to be my colors

Not so good day

2009-02-24T21:17:00.002-06:00

I **hate**

being cold
falling on the ice and getting soaked unilaterally from head to toe
sitting through lectures that don't interest me at all
having my options narrowed not by my own choice
midterm guides that just list the topics we have studied with no further guidance
doing things solely out of obligation with no passion
not having enough time for sleep
not having enough energy to run far at all
cancer, abuse, drugs, and poverty
that I've become fairly dependent on coffee
that I don't have time to catch up adequately with friends
being pessimistic and in a bad mood

It's time for this day to be over.